Thou Shalls For 2011: Notes to Self

Thou shall read the Bible EVERY DAY and keep a journal for the verses and a prayer notebook.

Thou shall sleep more.

Thou shall hit the treadmill everyday (urgh! even if i hate our magnetic treadmill. makes me feel like i'm walking in a pool of water (nope..that's even an understatement!)

Thou shall drink more, more water that is.

Thou shall eat veggies more and befriend both patola and malunggay or else you will get hungry.

Thou shall read more books.

Thou shall be patient with numbers...very very patient with numbers.

Thou shall be patient (period).

Thou shall say NO (sometimes it's the magic word.. ;D )

Thou shall NOT be MASAWAIN.

Thou shall be focused (i really think i should be tested for ADHD)

Of Frames, Colors, and Lights: Tales of A Happy Clicker

I care less about rules.

I zoom in.

I zoom out.

ISO randomly adjusted.

Aperture untouched.

Hates flash.

Hates Auto functions.

Still trying to appreciate "scene" pre-sets.

I embrace noise.

I embrace washed out produce.

Ctrl+T is never an enemy.

I edit tones when I want to.

I crop when I feel like to do so.

A sucker for candid shots.

Loves nature and the secret it reveals.

Trying to make sense of still life.

I'm a story teller.

I'm a Happy clicker.

I care less about rules.

You can see what I'm talking about here: http://jenlencar.multiply.com/photos/album/26

In His Silence

With clenched fist and trembling body, I tried to endure the pain.
I hear the clock ticking, the old electric fan screeching-signaling its thirst for oil.
I fought back the unyielding pain for minutes... and hours... and days.
Sure that I am the most entitled person to let my tears stream down my face, and soak my pillow with it.
I couldn't move, as every move would cause tremendous pain which sucks up the energy left inside me.
I finally screamed!
I questioned your existence.
I was taught to see beyond the pain.
I was taught to see hopes through challenges.
But I just DID NOT.
I challenged you to reveal yourself and made your presence be felt.
I was inconsolably looking for you.

And nothing but silence....

In your silence, I learned to surrender...
In your silence, I became patient
In your silence, I leaned to trust other people
In your silence, I learned to humble down
In your silence, I learned to accept that I'm indeed weak,
and not the strong person I appear to be
In your silence, I felt more the pain, which made me cherish my sunny moments
In your silence, I learned to appreciate little things more than anything else.

It's just so amazing that it's in your silence that you spoke to me more than ever.....

Libertad!

For almost three years, you left the key hanging at the door you locked yourself.
I waited for you to open the door, but you never came near the door.
I waited for you to leave the room, but you never did.
I wanted to come out of the room first, but feared that I wouldn't be able to come back.
Didn't know then why I even wanted to come back.

I prayed for a strong wind or any external force so the key would let loose of the keyhole and drop.
I waited for days, months, and years.
I tried getting it myself but just couldn't get near it.
There's as if an enormous force hindering me to come near it.
I came up with several devices to remove the key from the keyhole, but all efforts came to none.
I realized it was only you who can remove the key.

You wouldn't leave, though sometimes you appear to be a silhouette and almost disappearing
There are times that I couldn't feel your presence, or was I only convincing myself that you already went away?
I waited and waited for a chance to get the key and throw it back to you.
Or perhaps throw it on a furnace, so there's no way you could retrieve it!

Then came one day. I saw you fidgeting the key on the keyhole.
I stood up and you just stared at me as if you're to say, "You really don''t want me to unlock it don't you?"
I was indignant for he knew me. He knew me more than anyone.
Hot tears were starting to build up at the corner of my eyes.
And like a heartless beast you satisfyingly stared at me, your eyes feasting over my pain.
You suck up my tears to feed your ego until there was none.

You finally unlocked the door, but did not open it.
I collected all the courage and strength that's left inside me.
I ran towards your direction and shoved you away from the door.
You were stunned. You never thought I could do it. BUT I DID.

Now I'm watching you from afar, with a great sense of victory.
You're still holding unto your key; waiting for another victim you could devour and lock up in your own world.
You lure your potential victims with your cunning words and decieving smiles.
You once again lured one, apparently a species of your own kind.
I know your strategies, and I ain't buying them no more.
I am finally free!

One of the Boys

I have always been comfortable with my guy friends. In fact I used to be more comfortable being with them than with the girls because some girls can't just keep it simple. I never understood (back then..wehehe) the reason why they suddenly get so excited and energized, as if 10 volts were induced into their system, whenever they see 'cute' guys. I never found any guy to be cute before. For me they are just faces.. just faces with modifications that vary from one person to another..hehe... I even like guys' activities: their hobbies, sports, the jokes they crack, the sitcoms they watch, their gadgets, etc. Another thing I like among guy groups is that they don't 'back-bite' each other. When they find someone to be irritating; they just keep it low and don't discuss it among others..well at least this is true among my guy friends.. I'm not saying that all my girl friends are back-biters, but I have had encountered some..

Being one of the boys, I don't have much problem working with men. My workplace consists of mostly men.. (and some questionable).. I am the sole female species in our project. When we travel, I am often separated from them during inspections at the airport, using comfort rooms (of course), and checking in on hotel rooms. I'm always by myself. There are times that I would still want to talk to someone, but apparently they are already set to do their boys night out, where liquor is always present. I am comfortable mingling with my guy friends with liquor around, but not just with the bosses. I trust them, but sometimes I don't like where their discussion is going to. So I prefer to watch the History/ Discovery channel alone in the lobby of the company's guest house. But there was this one time that I mingled with them during their socials night. They were really nice to me. They treated me like their own daughter even if they were already tipsy. They offered me a bottle of beer, but I refused it. So I just observed them. My boss was quite amazing. He fell asleep for a while during their chat. But one of his colleagues woke him up for him to still join in their discussion. The funny thing was his mind was still alert, and he spoke with a lot of sense! hahaha! I wish I could master that skill-- waking up with a very sound mind. It's one of his talents I guess. There are times that he falls asleep during a meeting (this time he hasn't taken any alcoholic beverage..he just lacked sleep) and when you ask him about a particular thing, he would suddenly wake up and answer you straight! Man! How I'd love to have that ability! That might have helped a lot back in college when I often fell asleep in class...hehehe... Let me justify myself a little..hehe.. I have Insomnia that's why sleepiness visits me on day time..

Poverty Can End

I was at the Navs Center yesterday. As I was nibbling some nuts I bought from a nearby store, two children went inside the compound and picked up some overriped mangoes on the ground. Suddenly, images of the children, women, and men featured on the book I am currently reading , flashed into my mind. The book's title is The End of Poverty by Jeffrey Sachs. He foretold about how the women, children, and men suffered in Malawi. I was quite shocked and depressed at the same time, that there are still areas in the world, that are not just poor, but they are "poor of the poorest", and that who are in fact at the door of death. There was this hospital he visited, where AIDS patients were "treated". The ward consists of 150 beds. The AIDS infected patients are all in all 450. Three AIDS-stricken people share one bed. And when the patient is considered at terminal stage and is nearing death, he/she shall be placed under the bed until his/her death. Horrific! Devastating! I was not able to sleep immediately that night I read it. My passion to help the poor and become an effective agent of development burned inside me that night. At last I knew what I wanted in life. I feel so restless sitting in my cubicle working for a multi-national company who aims basically at profit. Let's go straight to the point! The CSR stuff? Oh come on! They do that so as not to bear the ginormous tax! Though, God uses them to help alleviate the impoverished and marginalized societies at a certain degree. But poverty does not end by giving the people these and that. It just give the people temporary respite from sickening and painful implications of poverty. Able ones need to empower the people and not just dole out. Yes funding is still crucial. Money is needed for operations among other things. But without ownership of development of the people themselves; all efforts and endowments shall be futile. We need to help in making the poor realize that they will not be forever stuck at the foot of the development ladder, or at least make them realize that stepping unto it is indeed possible.

I am greatly empowered and encouraged by the women of Bangladesh. Though they are still considered moderately impoverished, they are still striving to climb the steps of the ladder even if it meant paintstakingly hurdling the physical hardship and emotional struggles brought by abusive foreigh employers. By moderately poor, Sachs meant that, at least 25 percent of the households are extremely poor or moderately poor, that is living under $2 per day. Thanks to the textile and garment industries in Bangladesh, women are more empowered; able to sustain their own living; provide for their families; and have a sense of significance in the society.

What is more interesting is that women in Bangladesh know and understand well the implications of too much population in the quality of life they may have. They know so well their responsiblity/ part in controlling the population growth.

As I handed over some fish crackers to the two children at the Navs center, I saw how happy they were. I knew that the packs of fish cracker wouldn't alleviate them from their situation, but at least I wanted them to see that there is still hope for them. For you who are reading this, I invite you to take part in whatever way to help END poverty.

Seven Hours in Seven Days

I used to anticipate this time of the year when I was a student. But the previous week was just hell. I only had a total of 7 hours of sleep for the whole week. I haven't reached R.E.M stage for the past 7 days. I missed my bed so much. The couch felt like heaven. I think I have developed Repetitive Strain Injury, and hopefully it's not Carpal Tunnel Syndrome. My only rest would be reading articles from the internet from several sites which helped me with my vocabulary a lot and introduced me to several info presentation techniques. Thank you so much facebook for allowing me to still communicate to my friends, which made me feel that "hey! i'm still a social being after all. I'm kinda forgetting that one. I thought I was a machine, or worse a zombie, made to work, work, and work. How exciting can that get?!"

By Friday, I felt like freakin' high, as if I was floating. On my way to meet my group mates for report consolidation; I stumbled twice. I stuttered a lot, thanks to the fact that I bit my tongue four times, how stupid can I get huh? Saturday came and was set to report on Personality Determinants. I was surprisingly hyperactive! My group mates were laughing at me, as they have read my status early in the morning. It read "finally", which meant I just finished my presentation. "Adik ka!" was the first statement I got from them. Surprisingly, I was still in my right mind to make sense of my soooo rushed presentation. I was still able to attend a three-hour class in the afternoon, which involved numbers- my perfect solution for Insomnia, aside from "gray" handouts that contained boring info presentation.

When I was about to go home around 6pm, after my Saturday class, I thought I saw a friend of mine and so I waved at him and said "Hey! Ray!".. And he gave me that puzzled look, but he sitll managed to raise his hand, as a gesture to greet me as well. Then as I got closer, I realized he wasn't Ray. So I just blurted out, "Oops! Sorry, hindi pala ikaw." Then the guy just laughed. Man! I thought it was really him. Apparently, lack of sleep can really make you too friendly to the point that you would greet someone whom you really don't know. And when I was about to cross the street, a guy with his car stopped and allowed me to cross. I was glad he stopped, 'coz I just wanted to go home and be reunited with my bed as fast as possible. Then I saw the guy winked at me and smiled. I was too irritated. I glared at him and just crossed. Unfortunately, lack of sleep can really make you an ill- tempered person, even for shallow reasons. So you better get yourself some decent sleep to avoid conflicts. After which, I saw someone waved at me and called me and I just waved too and said Hi, but the truth is, I didn't recognize her. hehe..When I got home, there were many people in our house, since there was a December Potluck. I was too tired to mingle, but when I saw the baby of our friend, my energy level just shoot up. I got my camera and took a few shots. After a good meal a friend suddenly wanted to go to the park to see the ginormous Christmas display. I've been wanting to take photos of it, but couldn't even get out and do it, thanks to Year end reports and rushing of deliverables, which are, by the way, not mine. So we went to the park and saw the wonderful lights, which made me forget that I hadn't slept yet. I took only a few shots, since it was hard to get a good spot. Sobrang daming tao. Then we headed to the cafe. I settled for Green Tea Latte. Not that caffeine has still an effect on me, pero naman..gusto ko naman ng ibang lasa. Kulang nalang turukan ako ng kape. hehe.. And so I got home at around 11pm, not knowing how I lasted to stay awake that long.

Then I remembered that I prayed for so much strength at the start of the week. I even claimed:

Isaiah 40: 31 but those who hope in the LORD

will renew their strength.

They will soar on wings like eagles;

they will run and not grow weary,

they will walk and not be faint.

And I sooo got it. :) Thank you Lord.=)

I Think I'mma Hit The Breaks

Head throbbing.

Eyes twitching.

Butt numb.

Logic dumb.

Knees wobbling.

Hands shaking.

Stuck in the living room.

Approaching doom.

Wishful thinking.

Heart breaking.

Gastronomical Adventures Digest No. 1: The Faustina's Experience

Within my 10 years stay here in Los Banos, I'd say that I have had tasted several foods and even beverage I'd be proud to serve my visitors. To name some- Original Buko Pie, Mernel's Cake, Ahl's BTS & Death by Chocolate (Comment if you wanna know what BTS means.. nyehehe..); Cafe Antonio (serves the BEST coffee in town!), and Micha's Cream Puffs and Pastries and.. baked mac!!! and yes, Papu's siomai. My list can go further.

A year ago, a High School friend of mine opened her new restaurant, which was named after her late grand mother. Faustina's is just located near one of UPLB's exit called Raymundo gate. It's quite a small restaurant with a comfortable and "homey" feel. They serve great tasting dishes (soups, pastas, pizzas, cheesecakes,etc), which prices are pocket-friendly. My favorites include: Silindro Meal , Hungarian Sausage and Onion Pizza , and Green Salad.

Silindro is a grilled marinated pork, which is "liempo-like"; only it's really much juicier! The side dish, which is usually the buttered corn, carrots and green peas are cooked just right . And... not to mention the sauce which could serve as a viand in itself (hehe.. Very pinoy.. :) ) is soooo mouthwatering as it "dulcifies" the meat!

Hungarian Sausage and Onion Pizza is way better than what you can have in Pizza Hut or even Shakeys. The salty and creamy taste of the cheese is very complementary to that of the onions, which is sweet and quite spicy at the same time, plus the sausage is really chunky and flavorful. This thin-crust pizza is surely the type you would be ordering again the next time you come back.


Green Salad has been part of my intake since I was diagnosed as Pre-diabetic. I came to love Faustina's green salad because of it's freshness and the delectable dressing. I highly recommend it for those who are on a diet. You'd surely not feel guilty after eating an order of it and you'd surely feel satisfied with its taste. Faustina's truly deserves to be on my list!




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It's surely fun to visit new restaurants and cafes and experience a new thrill of sinking your teeth into sumptuous delights and letting your taste buds linger on every flavor of the food. I can't wait to share with you another Gastronomical Adventure and hopefully be able to add another one on my list! :)

Forever Holding Unto My Highlighter

I have a big appetite for reading (well also for food..hehehe). I love reading almost anything....almost, with the exception of chem and math stuff! I love sinking into the playful thoughts of writers. I am often amazed as to how they interpret any real event, which mostly they base their stories from. Fictional books are also interesting because they bring me to another realm. They introduce me to things I never thought any man could even think of—truly enchanting.

When I read books, I often use markers to highlight the portions which struck me or stirred up my emotions intensely. Sometimes I also highlight lines that I find significant. Just the other day, I was sorting my books and was able to open one. The book was the General Biology book by Campbell. I found so many sticky notes on the pages indicating the keywords. The much-read book also reflected my artistic (read as a-tis-tic… close enough to be autistic! Hehe..) side because the pages are brightly colored with complementary tones. I just love complementary colors!

Speaking of well highlighted books, I saw my Mom’s Bible and man! It is so color yellow- thanks to her stabilo! Hahaha! She loves her bible. Who wouldn’t? Only fools would hate it! The Bible is one of the greatest adventure and history books I have ever read. It contains the story, which I believe (as a Christian) am a part of.
Our individual lives are in fact a well crafted story in itself. God, who owns the pen and the paper, wrote each one’s story wonderfully. From the time when we learned:

• to stand on our feet without any form of assistance
• to tie our shoes
• about ABCs and count
• to do arithmetic
• about food chain and photosynthesis
• that boys and girls could be co-exist harmoniously
• that infatuation dies down eventually, and that it is not love
• that things don’t always end up the way we want them to
• how love can both feel so good and hurt so bad
• that we could only be free when we start to let go of the things we thought could be ours and most importantly when we learn to forgive
• that God uses the most hurtful things to pull us closer to Him so we may get to know Him better…..
  

He wrote each part with a loving purpose of revealing himself to us. He knows us very well for he sees our hearts. But He richly desires to know us more intimately.
I humbly admit that I am still preschooler in God’s school. I am trying my best to highlight all the things He has been teaching me all these years. I pray that I don’t get to miss any single momentous item. Forever I will hold unto my highlighter. And forever I would be tirelessly highlighting the ‘highlightables’.

P.S.
Oh by the way! Just want to give you a tip. Don’t use blue highlighters much because it makes you feel somewhat sleepy when reading any handout or book highlighted with it. Try using orange or green. Green works best for me—it’s cool in the eyes.

A Peter Pan Inside of Me

Rain drops on our face.
Sprinkles on our ice creams.
Lollipops and cotton candies.
Clowns, bubbles, and crazy-colored balloons.
Jump ropes, hop scotch, hide and seek, dolls, water guns, and matchboxes.
Innocent giggles and laughter.

Isn’t a child’s life a much less complicated than we used to think it was? How ironic when we used to get irritated when we hear our parents’ ‘oratorical pieces’; telling us not to /to do this and that; and now that we’re grown ups; we sometimes wish they could still decide for us. Right before we could utter our first ma-ma and pa-pa/ mommy/dada/ tatay/nanay, they already have an existing database of rules and guidelines, which they easily retrieve whenever we do wrong or whenever we need to decide. Excellent information management system indeed! I only wish we could have the full access to it now. There are times that when I face a very difficult/ painful situation the Peter Pan inside of me grows- the same Peter Pan who wants to get stuck in his childhood. I am frail and wishes to cuddle in my parents arms whenever I feel pain. But I can’t anymore. I’m technically an adult. I am but faced with more hurdles to overcome; a race to win. A Peter Pan inside me grows whenever I feel tired and weary. But a Peter Pan inside of me continues to hope and embrace the adventures of my story, which my Creator crafted for me perfectly.


Life is not a cycle; I believe so. It only becomes a cycle when we don’t learn from our mistakes. It is only stagnant whenever we don’t get to appreciate the little things that God tries to teach us everyday. A Peter Pan who refuses to grow up has a life that is cyclic, a life that is stagnant. Surely, there are times that the coward and laid back Peter Pan overcomes me. But definitely, I would choose the hopeful and adventurous Peter Pan to influence me the most. A toast to the hopefuls!